Supplemental Essay: Centroversion in the Dichotomy of Ne Care Versus Ni Autonomy

In the main essay I said that age, stress, and conflict tend to push us from conventional one-sidedness into extreme one-sidedness. Once there, years of relying on our dominant function and repressing our shadow function results in the reappearance of our shadow function in daemonic form. We then project our daemonic fears out into the community around us, which makes the world seem hostile and even evil. However, eventually the stress and conflict of extreme one-sidedness forces us to lean in on the daemonic and seek centroversion as a resolution of the problem.

Here is how that process occurs for the dichotomy of Ne Care Versus Ni Autonomy. Describing Ne Care first:

When Care-focused Ne-Doms run into stress and conflict, the following three steps occur:

Ne Care runs to extremes: Within reasonable limits, a focus on Ne Care is normal and healthy; immersion of the care-focused individual in family or community strengthens both the individual and the community. But taken to unhealthy extremes (Ne Care is taken to the point of extreme self-sacrifice), immersion in family or community can turn into an obligation to care for others to the detriment of one's own needs. Care can turn into self-sacrifice driven by a need for approval from others. Extremely self-sacrificing Ne-Doms may find that they can't afford to disagree with others for fear of causing offense and incurring disapproval, and they ignore and repress their inner feelings to the point of burnout, hopelessness and helplessness. Care becomes a mere obligation or even a type of martyrdom, a giving to others without rest or recompense.
Ni Autonomy is repressed and turns daemonic: Conventional Ni Autonomy is represented by self-sufficiency and the satisfaction of one's own needs, which sometimes requires saying "no" to family and community. But when Care-focused Ne-Doms become extremely self-sacrificing, Ni Autonomy is repressed and turns daemonic: Self-sacrificing Ne-Doms repress their own personal needs to the point where their own needs can seem foreign and dangerous. To stand up for themselves or to achieve personal success seems selfish and likely to put them at odds with family and community; such things raise the specter of conflict with and abandonment by the family and community. Extremely self-sacrificing Ne-Doms come to see personal achievement, competition, and assertiveness as isolating and fraught with pitfalls.
Centroversion represents a remedy for extreme one-sidedness: Getting "unstuck" from extreme self-sacrifice means that Ne-Doms must lean in on Ni Autonomy and recognize that they too have personal needs of their own. Caring for others needs to be balanced with a degree of self-care as well. Care-givers are a community resource; as such, extremely self-sacrificing Ne-Doms need to "lean in" on their daemonic fears and learn to pace themselves, take some downtime, say "no" occasionally, and address their own needs if they are wish to play a care-giving role over the long-term.

Here is the same process for Autonomy-focused Ni-Doms. When Ni-Doms run into stress and conflict, the following three steps occur:

Ni Autonomy runs to extremes: Within reasonable limits, a focus on Ni Autonomy is normal and healthy; self-sufficiency, competition, and achievement are necessary for self-actualization and achievement of one's maximum potential. But taken to unhealthy extremes (Ni Autonomy is taken to the point of extreme self-centeredness), a focus on Autonomy can mean distancing oneself from family and community and even competing with them for resources. Autonomy can turn into self-centeredness driven by a belief that one's identity is achieved through work, and that family and community are only valid insofar as they further work-related goals; and if family and community get in the way of such goals, they need to be jettisoned. Extremely self-centered Ni-Doms come to believe that self-esteem is achieved by investing in one's own abilities rather than relationships; reward comes from personal accomplishments rather than acceptance of others. But the frequent result of that kind of life is a mid-life crisis and a sudden, late scramble to find meaning in a life that has become meaningless with loneliness, boredom, and overwork.
Ne Care is repressed and turns daemonic: Conventional Ne Care is represented by family and community ties and one's own personal need for relationships. But when Autonomy-focused Ni-Doms become extremely self-centered, Ne Care is repressed and turns daemonic, and self-centered Ni-Doms repress their own relationship needs to the point where such needs can seem foreign and dangerous. Extremely self-centered Ni-Doms believe that freedom and equality are achieved through a rigorous search for mathematical impartiality; to them, empathy and feelings can feel dangerously diffuse, relativistic, and slippery. Relationships can seem unpredictable and fraught with entrapment and betrayal; extremely self-centered Ni-Doms may register relationships as unhealthy "enmeshment," clinging, and neediness. As a result, extremely self-centered Ni-Doms may isolate themselves unnecessarily in order to retain maximum freedom of action.
Centroversion represents a remedy for extreme self-centeredness: Getting "unstuck" from extreme self-centeredness means that Ni-Doms must lean in on Ne Care and recognize that they too have a need for relationships like anyone else. Community and relationships aren't just an anchor weighing people down; there is honor and achievement in being a "family man" and pillar of the community. Family and community can also be a support and a way to leverage one's own potential. Extremely self-centered Ni-Doms need to "lean in" on their daemonic fears and understand that the development of relationship skills is also a legitimate and necessary arena for achievement and personal success.

From this, we generate the five-position spectrum for extraversion versus introversion incorporating centroversion:

Extreme one-sided Ne Self-sacrifice <--> Conventional one-sided Ne Care <-- Centroversion --> Conventional one-sided Ni Autonomy <--> Extreme one-sided Ni Self-centeredness

It is important to point out that Ne Care and Ni Autonomy are going to approach centroversion from different directions, and they are going to retain a certain amount of "tension of opposites." But centroversion process brings them to much the same place on the five-position spectrum for Care versus Autonomy:

Centroversion for the Care-focused Ne-Dom: In the case of Care-focused Ne-Doms, centroversion means retaining a sense of responsibility to community and family, but also rejecting ideas of extreme self-sacrifice. Relationships are important, but they have to be worked out in a spirit of interdependence and a balance between the needs of community/family and one's own needs. In fact, Care-focused individuals need to "lean in" on their daemonic fears and understand that conflict, negotiation, and advocacy for one's own needs are a normal part of relationships.

Centroversion for the Autonomy-focused Ni-Dom: In the case of Autonomy-focused Ni-Doms, centroversion means retaining a respect for self-sufficiency and achievement, but also recognizing that relationships provide context and meaning in life. Also, there are long periods in our lives when we need the assistance of others (in childhood, in sickness, in old age); and there are sectors of society who tend to require assistance (the disabled, the poor, the vulnerable). Assistance is secured through relationships, empathy, and the Care foundation. Equality and meritocracy aren't enough by themselves; "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps" isn't always the answer. There needs to be some courtesy, some willingness to help others and accept help in return. Much personal satisfaction is achieved by being a part of a family and a pillar of society, and by learning such relationship skills as conflict resolution, good communications, emotional intimacy without fear of becoming enmeshed, etc.

Based on this, we can construct a five-position spectrum for Care versus Autonomy incorporating the idea of "healthy interdependence," representing a balanced and fair interaction between community and individual, as the centroverted position:

Extreme one-sided Ne Self-sacrifice <--> Conventional one-sided Ne Care <-- Healthy interdependence --> Conventional one-sided Ni Autonomy <--> Extreme one-sided Ni Self-centeredness

Finding Centroversion in Attachment style or Personal boundaries

In the main essay I said above that Attachment style is probably related to the Immersion-versus-Distancing dichotomy. At the two extremes:

An anxious attachment style can result in neediness and dependency; and
An avoidant attachment style can result in keeping others at a distance.

A healthy medium between the two extremes is usually called a "secure attachment style": It is represented by people who are self-reliant and competent but also feel comfortable with intimacy and seek social connections. People with this attachment style borrow the best features of the two dichotomous opposites while avoiding the downsides.

I also said that Personal boundaries probably represent another expression of the Immersion-versus-Distancing dichotomy. At the two extremes:

Soft boundaries can result in being too trusting and too yielding: you allow in both the good and the bad; and
Rigid boundaries can result in being excessively defensive and inflexible: you keep out both the good and the bad.

Centroversion is represented by healthy boundaries that represent a permeable barrier: They keep out the bad but allow the good to pass through. In our youth, we usually start out by being too trusting (soft boundaries). Once we have been burned a few times we may migrate over to defensiveness (rigid boundaries). In either case, whether we are too trusting or too defensive, learning healthy boundaries helps us to find the sweet spot in the middle and live fuller lives. For more on the subject see the Wikipedia article entitled "Personal boundaries."

Link: Return to Intuition (N)

~Posted January 12, 2024