Supplemental Essay: Sadomasochism in
Modern Society

Introduction

In the main essay I said that modern Western society favors freedom and provides support and social validation for ego expansion; as a result, it is to be expected that over-expansion and anxiety will be a regular feature of modern times. The result is a lot of fear and rage in society; Camille Paglia views this as a type of sadomasochism that runs through our culture. 

 

I suggest that the model for sadomasochism in society is as follows: Freedom and social validation of ego expansion can lead to over-expansion of the ego; over-expansion of the ego leads to anxiety; and anxiety needs to be stilled via self-punishment and contraction of the ego back to one's comfort zone. Self-punishment and ego contraction serve the purpose of "experiential avoidance," that is, attempts to avoid unpleasant thoughts and feelings. In other words, if we can self-punish and engage in ego contraction, then we don't have to deal with anxiety. 

 

As I explained in the main essay, ego contraction is often impractical due to the demands of society. If we can't engage in ego contraction, then we need some alternative way of dealing with the anxiety generated by over-expansion of the ego: At such times anxiety can be managed via sadomasochism. We do this by seizing upon daemonic fears of the dichotomous opposite: In other words, in order to engage in "experiential avoidance" and avoid anxiety, we ruminate upon our daemonic fears and make them the cause of our troubles. 

 

It's a trade-off: We evade the anxiety of parental castration by fixating and ruminating upon daemonic fears in the form of threatening or cruel "others" who are out to get us; that way the problem no longer belongs to us; instead, it's society that is the problem. The daemonic ghosts that haunt us become the focus of our attention, and we can then self-punish via masochistic victimhood narratives or we can punish the daemonic "others" by fixating on sadistic outrage narratives.

 

Based on this model, it should be possible to separate out masochism and sadism and tentatively assign them to matriarchal castration and patriarchal castration, respectively. In the section entitled "Extreme One-sidedness at the S Level" I said that when the dichotomy of extraverted Sexuality versus introverted Spirituality is taken to the extreme of parental castration, it tends to look something like the following:

• Matriarchal castration is aligned with passivity, immobility, a lack of agenda or direction, infantilization, fatalism, surrender to disorder and chaos, and the resignation of a victim mentality; and

• Patriarchal castration is aligned with aggression, force, an excess of agenda, revenge, a need for control, possession by ideals to the exclusion of the personal, human element, and the tyranny of the destroyer and rapist.

 

I would suggest a similar dichotomy with masochism versus sadism in much the same light, in other words, masochism is aligned with extraverted matriarchal castration, and sadism is aligned with introverted patriarchal castration. In other words, the four-position spectrum appears as follows:

 

Masochism <--> Conventional extraversion X--X Conventional introversion <--> Sadism

 

Separating masochism from sadism in this manner will make it easier to illustrate the mechanism of each. It's worth looking at them separately to see how each of them plays out their dynamic in society.

Extraverted Masochism

Masochism model

Following the model above, extraverted masochism seems to involve two components that align with extraverts in general: Matriarchal castration arouses anxiety, and patriarchal daemonism (daemonism of the dichotomous opposite) serves as a distraction from the anxiety of matriarchal castration.

 

Matriarchal castration component: Traditional socialization and the matriarchal collectivist influence create social expectations on extraverts to play a support or caretaking role. But if extraverts take those expectations too seriously and make them the focus of their lives, the result can be overwork, burnout, and a lifetime of shame and guilt. In the chapter on Sensing I discussed how extraverts traditionally tend to be compliant and facilitate relationships with others, sometimes to the point where they spread themselves too thin. Overly attentive to the needs of others, extraverts can become overwhelmed by the demands of others while simultaneously neglecting their own needs, resulting in burnout and depression.

 

Daemonic patriarchal component: Ideally society provides socially-approved avenues for ego expansion or at least mechanisms for siphoning off the anxiety that accompanies ego expansion. But if those things don't exist or are out of reach, then the anxiety of matriarchal castration generates daemonic patriarchal fears of a hierarchal, tyrannical, punitive society: When legitimate needs and desires representing repressed introversion well up from inside, extraverts can't act upon them because of their fear that society will see them as selfish and uncaring toward the needs of others. 

 

This can turn into a victimhood narrative: Extraverts anticipate the negative judgments and aggression of others, so they express their own repressed patriarchal side in daemonic fashion by using asceticism and self-mortification to preemptively self-punish: They over-expand and over-extend themselves and masochistically martyr themselves in service to the community in order to keep the peace and avoid accusations of self-centeredness. 

 

As I put it in the chapter on Sensing, the daemonic of the Great Father accompanies and serves the Terrible Mother in the event of matriarchal castration; the daemonic patriarchal component pushes extraverts in the direction of even greater matriarchal castration. On the other hand, self-punishment under the aegis of the daemonic Great Father provides a benefit of sorts by stilling the anxiety associated with a Great Mother fight.

 

As I said above, it's a trade-off: Extraverts evade the anxiety of matriarchal castration by fixating and ruminating upon daemonic patriarchal fears in the form of daemonic "others" who might punish them for selfishness. In anticipation of the negative judgments of punitive "others," they end up self-punishing in a variety of masochistic ways.

 

Extraverted "casual masochism"

Masochism can appear in a number of "casual" ways in society at large. An example: Some variation of inescapable anxiety might occur in adolescents trying to negotiate the shifting currents of puberty and teenage sexuality. Teenagers are often confronted with such matters before they are ready; they may have difficulty knowing where to set boundaries and are anxious about how to express their own sexuality. And the physical changes in their own bodies don't really give them the option of retreating to their previous comfort zone of prepubescent innocence. 

 

In a 2019 article in The Hollywood Reporter, Camille Paglia talks about the anxiety of teenage girls toward their own bodies as they attempt to navigate their sexuality. She says, "[I]n the digital era, the sex symbol as radiant Hollywood icon has been displaced by a blizzard of Instagram selfies, where increasingly young girls strike provocative poses, appropriating star-making techniques pioneered by the movie industry. Bare flesh is suffering serious overexposure. Wholesale blurring of the line between private and public is ultimately antithetical to eroticism. When everything is seen and known, there is no titillating taboo to transgress. Paradoxically, despite its relentless skin display, virtual reality dematerializes the body and has made it a locus of chronic anxiety. Body dysmorphia, from which singer Billie Eilish suffered, has gone epidemic."[1]

 

Society keeps expanding our personal freedoms by being more permissive with regard to sexuality; but as I said above, freedom can lead to anxiety.

 

Eating disorders and self-harm practices such as cutting among teenagers may be another result of anxiety about sexuality. Those particular problems tend to crop up around puberty and adolescence; the focus on one's body suggests that teenagers with these problems might be reacting to the physical changes involving sexual maturation; and the problems tend to be accompanied by anxiety and depression. Naturally, eating disorders and self-harm practices can have a number of other contributing factors and causes as well. But like many other maladaptive coping mechanisms, eating disorders and self-harm often serve the purpose of "experiential avoidance," that is, attempts to avoid unpleasant thoughts and feelings. In that sense, there might indeed be an anxiety-stilling component to them.

 

So eating disorders and self-harm practices could also be a case of extraverted "casual masochism." The matriarchal component may manifest itself insofar as such problems tend to predominate in adolescent girls. The problems also tend to occur after puberty when a child is attempting to find a social identity separate from the family and, primarily, from the mother. In essence, masochistic instincts may arise from matriarchal castration, a Great Mother fight to separate from the mother, and the anxiety that results.

 

In Sexual Personae Paglia comments on the intersection of masochism, femininity, and adolescence. She says, "The thrill of terror is passive, masochistic, and implicitly feminine. It is imaginative submission to overwhelmingly superior force. The vast audience of the Gothic novel was and is female. Men who cultivate the novel or film of terror seek sex-crossing sensations. Horror films are most popular among adolescents, whose screams are Dionysian signals of sexual awakening. Reviewers often wonder why the packed audiences of bloody slasher films are sedate couples on weekend dates. Shared fear is a physically stimulating sexual transaction."[2]

 

In turn, the daemonic patriarchal component of masochism manifests itself as a form of bodily asceticism. In other words the adolescent's embrace of eating disorders or self-harm may relate to the daemonic patriarchal component of masochism: Self-mortification and bodily self-punishment may be a teenager's way of stilling the anxiety associated with a Great Mother fight. 

 

As I described in the section entitled "Great Mother Versus Great Father at the S Level" in the Sensing chapter, tribal societies used to celebrate puberty with initiation ceremonies consisting of symbolic Great Mother fights that were resolved via indoctrination into patriarchal canon. Expressed in this manner, the mechanisms involved in tribal initiation ceremonies seem similar to the experiences of modern adolescents: Matriarchal castration is addressed via embrace of the patriarchal influence. But in tribal initiation ceremonies the patriarchal influence is provided in the form of positive cultural canon. By comparison modern teenagers, left to their own devices, may have no other way to address the anxiety generated by matriarchal castration and a Great Mother fight than by seizing upon the daemonic patriarchal fears that haunt them at such times. In this manner they engage in self-punishment as an anxiety-stilling exercise.

 

Extraverted hard masochism

Extraversion represents the Sexuality side of the Sexuality-versus-Spirituality dichotomy, and extraverts tend toward extreme one-sidedness in the form of matriarchal castration and hedonism. Hard-core hedonists may have sensual or sexual compulsions that they take to extremes of matriarchal castration, which then awaken anxiety and daemonic fears of patriarchal punishment. 

 

However, if extraverts persist in taking matriarchal orientation to extremes, their repressed patriarchal side may also appear as a daemonic temptation such as a masochistic desire for punishment. In other words, to still their anxiety in their practice of sexual compulsions, they incorporate patriarchal punishment by putting their sexual practices into the framework of masochism: The patriarchal punishment aspect provides hierarchy, structure, and also self-punishment, which calms their anxiety when indulging practices that represent matriarchal castration.

 

To sum up: In the masochist's world the extravert is obsessed by extremes of matriarchal orientation (males may worship punishing mother figures, females may pursue self-abasement), and they keep anxiety at bay by turning their attraction into self-punishment and pain in order to incorporate patriarchal daemonism. In a sense, this arrangement allows the masochist to have his cake and eat it too. By embracing a self-punishment aspect, he can indulge his fascination for sexual excess while avoiding any attendant anxiety and guilt.

​

In her book Sexual Personae Camille Paglia provides several literary examples of masochism resulting from matriarchal castration. For example, she talks at length about the 19th century poet Algernon Charles Swinburne; much of his poetry consists of an attraction to cruel or punitive mother figures. Paglia notes that in real life Swinburne was a masochist who visited brothels for the purpose of being whipped by the women there, and his poetry reflects similar themes. In reference to Swinburne's poem Dolores, Paglia notes the anxiety-stilling function of masochism: "The victim invites Dolores’ abuse in order to sink into oblivion. Sexual pain is a ritual to drive off the mental. Conscience is merely an aspiring leech. Swinburne evades both Christian guilt and Romantic self-consciousness by a historical detour, surrender to the primeval dominatrix."[3]

 

I have included some additional remarks on Swinburne elsewhere in my blog: See my chapter on Sexual Personae and the accompanying Supplemental essay on Chapter 18 at the following link: https://www.functionlevels.com/chapter-18-notes

 

In another chapter of Sexual Personae Paglia analyzes the writer Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch (who lent his name to the practice of masochism); she describes how Masoch worshipped punishing mother figures. She says that Masoch "creates a theatrical world of female dominance." Masoch hails "the tyranny and cruelty that constitute woman’s essence and her beauty." The hero of Masoch's book Venus in Furs (published in 1870) says, “It is possible to love really only that which stands above us.” Paglia points out the idea of hierarchy as the countersexual daemonic patriarchal component in Masoch's statement; she says, "Here one clearly sees that masochism is not an illness but a hierarchical dream, a conceptual realignment of sexual orders."[4]

 

In her book Sex, Art, and American Culture Paglia surveys the work of photographer Robert Mapplethorpe, who documented the underground gay sadomasochism culture in New York City in the 1960s and 1970s. Paglia again points out the role of the countersexual component of patriarchal daemonism in Mapplethorpe's work, which she describes as hard, militant, and fascist: "He saw and accepted the cruelty and aggression in our animal nature, our unevolved link with the pagan and primeval past. Mapplethorpe was not a liberal. Sadomasochism is not liberal. It is rigorously hierarchical and coldly ritualistic. In my analysis of history, sadomasochism always returns when moral codes and social institutions weaken. It returns because it is our deepest nature. [...] he sees the hard, militant, sculptural quality of Western personality, which tends toward the imperialistic and fascist."[5]

 

Elsewhere in her books Paglia often talks about the sadomasochism present in Catholic art, particularly art concerning the persecution and martyrdom of saints. Religious mortification of the flesh via flagellation, starvation, and other forms of self-punishment can be a means of addressing the Sexual-versus-Spiritual dichotomy: Temptations of the matriarchal/Sexual influence (and the resulting anxiety) are tamed via bodily asceticism representing the daemonic patriarchal influence. Raised in a Roman Catholic home herself, Paglia mentions that in the past the Catholic Church has had to discourage such ascetic practices when they became too popular and threatened to turn into a form of masochistic pleasure.[6]

Introverted Sadism

Sadism model

On the other end of the sadomasochism spectrum lies sadism. Recapping the model at the top of this supplemental essay, introverted sadism seems to involve two components that align with introverts in general: Patriarchal castration arouses anxiety, and matriarchal daemonism (daemonism of the dichotomous opposite) serves as a distraction from the anxiety of patriarchal castration.

 

Patriarchal castration component: Socialization and the patriarchal civilization-building influence impose expectations on introverts to practice autonomy and perfectionism and meet high standards. But if an introvert takes those expectations too seriously and makes them the focus of his life, the result can be isolation, overwork, and a lifetime of shame and guilt. In the chapter on Sensing I discussed how introverts are prone to focus so long and hard on their own internal processes that they get tunnel vision. Erich Neumann says that the introvert's ideas can become more important to him than empathy for others: "He is the victim of his own isolation and seclusion. [...It] is often expressed psychologically in an intensive preoccupation with universals to the exclusion of the personal, human element."[7]

 

Daemonic matriarchal component: Ideally society provides socially-approved avenues for ego expansion or at least mechanisms for siphoning off the anxiety that accompanies ego expansion. But if those things don't exist or are out of reach, then the anxiety of patriarchal castration generates daemonic matriarchal fears of an undisciplined, chaotic society. As Erich Neumann says, matriarchal daemonism represents "the continued dominance of the Great Mother under her deadly aspect, and the final result is alienation from the body and from the earth, hatred of life, and world negation."[8]

 

This can turn into an outrage narrative: Introverts anticipate the negative judgments and aggression of an unruly society, so they express their own repressed matriarchal side in daemonic fashion by using disruption and brutality to preemptively lash out at and punish others in a variety of sadistic ways. Anticipating pushback from a degraded and immoral society, they over-expand and over-extend themselves by aiming for a big preemptive demonstration of boldness and cruelty in the service of their particular patriarchal cause.

 

As I put it in the chapter on Sensing, the daemonic of the Great Mother accompanies and serves the Terrible Father in the event of patriarchal castration; the daemonic matriarchal component pushes introverts in the direction of even greater patriarchal castration. On the other hand, lashing out under the aegis of the daemonic Great Mother provides a benefit of sorts by stilling the anxiety associated with a Great Father fight.

 

As I said above, it's a trade-off: Introverts evade the anxiety of patriarchal castration by fixating and ruminating upon daemonic matriarchal fears in the form of daemonic "others" who might punish them for their laziness and shortcomings. In anticipation of the negative judgments of punitive "others," they end up lashing out in a variety of sadistic ways.

 

Introverted "casual sadism"

Sadism can appear in a number of "casual" ways in society at large. An example of "casual sadism" might consist of people who are generally intelligent and well-meaning, but stress and poor self-control cause them to abuse others. An example of this mechanism is demonstrated in the short novel Notes from Underground by Russian author Fyodor Dostoevsky (published 1864).

 

The unnamed narrator in the novel is a high-minded intellectual who keeps to himself for months on end and dreams of rescuing the world and bringing peace and happiness to everyone. But he is also morbidly sensitive: The more high-minded he tries to be in his own life, the more society's chaos and disorder oppress him. When he occasionally ventures out into society, the mildest rebuff or perceived slight sends him into paroxysms of shame and regret, and he ends up quarreling with friends and associates and lashing out at people lower in social rank (servants and prostitutes) whom he can abuse with impunity.

 

Then, ashamed by his own abuse of others, he falls into ego contraction and flagellates himself in an orgy of self-abasement, trying to get control of his own perversity. He

renounces society and retreats back into solitude and isolation until loneliness and need drive him back out to try his luck again in society, with similar results.

 

And so Dostoevsky's narrator bounces back and forth, aspiring to the good but seemingly motivated by evil compulsions when things don't go perfectly. In the moment, the narrator blames the problem on nerves and hypochondria. But eventually he has to account for the vast difference between his high aspirations and his low actions; so he blames society for pinning him in a corner with its chaos and unfairness and unpredictability, and he rages at society for confining him in that manner.

​

Ultimately Dostoevsky goes on to conclude that this tension between good intent and bad behavior is proof of man's basic perversity. Even if man were to be given everything in life that he wanted or needed, he would renounce or destroy those things out of sheer contrariness. This argument harks back to the religious view that man's nature is basically evil. The fall from Paradise distanced man from God, allowing man's nature to become imperfect and flawed. 

 

But as I said in the Sensing chapter, guilt and shame are a natural part of childhood, a normal feature of the socialization process. In adulthood guilt and shame are triggered by an excess of ego expansion and the resulting anxiety. For the "casual sadist," blaming and lashing out at others serves the purpose of chasing away anxiety, at least temporarily.

 

In the end I would suggest that a lot of it comes down to what I said earlier: Patriarchal expectations of order and structure clash with the disorder and chaos of life; and then, as I said above, matriarchal daemonism creates a state of "alienation from the body and from the earth, hatred of life, and world negation." The introverted sadist grows increasingly anxious as he bumps up against the petty slights and irritations of everyday life, and to escape his frustration and anxiety (experiential avoidance) he embraces matriarchal daemonism (lashing out and and creating chaos in revenge) as a coping mechanism and quick fix.

 

Introverted hard-core sadism

Introversion represents the Spirituality side of the Sexuality-versus-Spirituality dichotomy, and introverts tend toward extreme one-sidedness in the form of patriarchal castration and aggression. If an introvert over-identifies with spiritual ideals, that can awaken patriarchal castration and daemonic fears/temptations of matriarchal punishment: His repressed matriarchal side will often appear as daemonic fears of a chaotic, "fallen" society that threatens to punish him.

 

However, if the introvert continues to persist in taking patriarchal orientation to extremes, his repressed matriarchal side may also appear as daemonic temptations such as a sadistic desire to lash out at the world. In other words people with patriarchal orientation tend to put high demands on themselves, which can lead to perfectionism and anxiety. When the world gets in their way and causes them to stumble in their goals, they take it as the meddling of a flawed, immoral society. In turn they may express their own repressed matriarchal side by using chaos and brutality to lash out at the world in response. They rationalize their own daemonic destructive impulses by saying that they are only giving the outer world a taste of its own medicine. They are simply dealing in the outer world's own currency. 

 

Lashing out at the world also provides them a measure of experiential avoidance in the form of temporary release from the strict spiritual demands of patriarchal castration and the perfectionism and anxiety that accompanies it. Thus sadism performs an anxiety-stilling function for introverts: The act of lashing out at others becomes an excuse to exorcise the anxieties generated by patriarchal castration by seizing upon matriarchal daemonism and unleashing their frustrations and fears on the world around them.

 

For example in the 1991 black comedy novel American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis, the serial killer Patrick Bateman appears outwardly to be patriarchal in orientation to the point of living a perfectionistic and ascetic life: He works out long hours at the gym, and he studies fashion and style in order to achieve aesthetic perfection in all aspects of his appearance and life. He appears to be a model boyfriend, and it turns out that Patrick's family is so wealthy that he doesn't even need to work; he says that he seeks out the stressful life of a New York city investment banker simply because he "wants to fit in."[9] Other characters note Patrick's passivity and mildness: Jean says that he is shy and thoughtful[10]; Carnes says Patrick is too much of a "goody-goody" and an "ass-kisser" to ever do anything wrong[11].

 

Patrick experiences daemonic matriarchal fears in the form of oppressive visions of New York City falling into decay and collapse. So he arranges his life as a model of clean, orderly, ascetic patriarchal orientation to offset his daemonic fears.

 

But Patrick's lifestyle is so inhibited and ascetic that he ends up lashing out periodically in fits of rape, murder, and cannibalism as a form of welcome release from the impossibly high demands he puts on himself. He is high-strung and tends to rant and even cry at petty frustrations; when he murders, his targets are usually homeless people and prostitutes and one-night stands whom he considers a blight on society. His crimes represent release from patriarchal self-discipline in the form of indulgence of matriarchal daemonism: bingeing on sex, violence, and food and generally reveling in excess and chaos. For example, his first target in real time in the book is a homeless man; after stabbing and blinding him, Patrick is hungry and passes up his usual restaurants in order to binge on milkshakes at a nearby McDonalds, imagining that the homeless man would have eaten there.[12]

 

The ending of the book leaves open the possibility that the killings might be imaginary, in other words, the products of a disordered mind; in which case the violent interludes might just be interior sadistic fantasies that accompany a weekend of binging on food and pornography, or something of that nature. In other words, Patrick's sadistic fantasies represent his rage at the world when it frustrates him in some manner leading to a breakdown in his ascetic diet and exercise routine and causes him to indulge a period of bingeing.

 

In this interpretation, American Psycho becomes basically a story of yo-yo dieting: working hard to lose weight only to put the weight back on again in a temporary failure of self-discipline:

• Ego contraction: The yo-yo dieter maintains an ascetic regimen of food control and exercise. It's difficult to maintain the routine because the dieting and exercise narrative requires work and a certain "hardness" of personality in the sense of self-discipline; but it's also a comfort zone in that it doesn't provoke anxiety--the dieter knows that he's doing something that is both healthy for himself and validated by society as a whole.

• Ego expansion: In yo-yo dieting, ego expansion is represented by a rebellion against the tyranny of the diet and exercise regimen as a means of self-assertion. For example, the dieter simply finds the routine overly punishing and temporarily abandons it; or the dieter may hit an obstacle elsewhere in his life and his temporary abandonment of the routine may serve as a passive-aggressive middle finger at the world and its unfair fitness expectations; and so on.

• Ego contraction: But as the dieter takes time off from his diet and exercise routine, anxiety eventually begins to gnaw away at the pleasure of taking a break; if he has had some success in the past with dieting and exercise, then he may feel quite a bit of anxiety as he loses ground and starts putting weight back on. So eventually the dieter resumes dieting and exercise, which represents ego contraction for the purpose of stilling anxiety. But when the dieter resumes his diet and exercise routine, he may impose such a harsh and ascetic routine (to make up for lost ground) that he sets himself up for future failure again. 

 

Thus the yo-yo dieter replays the pattern of the two-year-old, bouncing back and forth between between ego expansion (rebellion against a difficult routine) and ego contraction (resuming an ascetic routine when faced with anxiety).

 

Returning to American Psycho: Whether the killings are real or imagined, they represent ego expansion: a temporary respite from an impossibly demanding life and a way of releasing some frustration and rage. The murders allow Patrick to share the chaotic and disordered lives (or so he imagines) of his victims. And killing sprees are accompanied by eating binges (often in the form of cannibalism). But after an episode of ego expansion in the form of murdering and bingeing, the need for ego contraction sets in: Patrick must then hit the gym and sweat off the extra calories. Each new killing requires that he redouble his patriarchal self-discipline. In this way he bounces back and forth between ego contraction in the form of patriarchal severity (maintaining an ascetic routine of dieting and hard workouts in the gym) and ego expansion in the form of daemonic matriarchal excess (abandoning self-discipline and indulging in a bingeing session).

Summing up: Comparing masochism and sadism

The models for masochism and sadism have much in common. Both masochistic extraverts and sadistic introverts take their respective orientations to extremes, resulting in parental castration. Parental castration creates anxiety, and extraverts and introverts both embrace daemonism of the dichotomous opposite as a coping mechanism to still anxiety. Embrace of the daemonic serves the purpose of "experiential avoidance," that is, it attempts to avoid the unpleasant thoughts and feelings generated by parental castration. As a result the masochistic extravert focuses on victimhood narratives and self-punishes; and the sadistic introvert fixates on outrage narratives and lashes out and creates chaos.

 

In a sense, sadomasochism is a variation on centroversion, albeit played out in the daemonic arena for the purpose of stilling anxiety. As in centroversion, sadism and masochism tap into dichotomous opposites at the same time (parental castration and daemonism of the dichotomous opposite) to deal with anxiety.

 

I consider most "casual sadomasochism" to arise due to immaturity and lack of knowledge about the world. When young people undergo ego expansion, they often don't know how to deal with the anxiety that arises. Growth and maturity will usually solve a lot of the problem. But if the problem persists into adulthood, then it might be worthwhile to consider the issue in terms of parental castration and daemonism of the dichotomous opposite.

 

It all really boils down to one simple idea: We evade the castration component by focusing on the daemonic component, which we project onto society. As I said above, it becomes a daemonic trade-off: The problem no longer belongs to us; instead, it's society that is the problem. But handling the issue that way infantilizes us; we are no longer responsible for our own choices or actions. 

Fixes

Reversing the pattern

To recap, there are two main components of both sadism and masochism: Parental castration and daemonism of the dichotomous opposite:

• Masochists and sadists both start from a position of parental castration, but they divert their attention away from it by engaging in "experiential avoidance";

• Masochists and sadists both fixate on and dwell on daemonism of the dichotomous opposite in order to evade the anxiety caused by parental castration: They project daemonism out onto the community around them and also embrace it in their own actions.

 

This suggests that they are addressing the parental castration by evading it; and they are addressing the daemonic component by focusing on it and ruminating on it. The best way to address the problem of sadism and masochism, then, would be to do the opposite:

• Focus on the castration component and analyze it, instead of trying to evade it via "experiential avoidance"; and

• Ignore the daemonic component and evade it, instead of focusing time and attention there and ruminating on fears, obsessions, and temptations.

 

Taking these steps separately:

 

Addressing parental castration via exposure therapy

If we habitually evade the anxious thoughts and emotions generated by matriarchal and patriarchal castration, then we remain at their mercy. So the appropriate fix is to lean in on the situation that causes us anxiety, admit that we are weak in that area, and work at getting stronger in that situation. Of course that's easier said than done, especially when it comes to fears that we may have been avoiding and running from all our lives. But if we consider such fears as a type of phobia, then there is a therapy for dealing with that: Exposure therapy involves exposing a patient to a situation that causes fear or anxiety, but in a manner that is controlled and allows the patient to feel safe in the process.

 

For example, if you find yourself routinely avoiding or procrastinating on a difficult task, then tackle it in increasingly small doses or increments. If you still find yourself procrastinating, then break the task down even further. If necessary, work on it for only five minutes per session. Make the steps as small as needed in order to get started on them. Sometimes lots of small, repeated sessions is the best way forward: If a task is difficult, intimidating, or even just boring it may be necessary to trim it down, revisit it a number of times, and examine it from a few different angles before the way forward becomes clear.

 

Larger tasks should be broken down into parts and undertaken as a campaign, with planning and foresight: Research self-help information for difficult situations, develop and practice talking points and "elevator pitches," break down, prioritize, and schedule steps at a pace that you can handle, etc. And when you hit an obstacle or setback, give yourself a couple days off and then return to the task and set the bar a bit lower until you get your confidence and routine back.

 

An easy example: Many people are anxious about their health and fitness level and want to improve it, but somehow the improvement never happens or it happens only in abortive fits and starts. But that sort of change has to take place over a lifetime, not just a few weeks or a few months. So health and fitness are ideal for small incremental adjustments and doses over a long period of time. To illustrate the point:

 

Regarding diet and eating habits: Avoid short-term fad diets and instead buy a general book on healthy eating; store the book on your meal table and read a single page per day. If it takes months to finish the book in that manner, that's fine. But read it in small doses and then make an occasional change in your diet in accordance with the recommendations in the book: Swap out unhealthy eating habits with healthier habits over time, focusing on easy swaps that can be maintained over a lifetime. Don't try to change everything up all at once; go slow and make small changes over time that won't create a big disruption in your routine or call for a big investment in time and energy. For the beginner, there are dozens of small, easy changes that can be made with minimal sacrifice or effort but will add up to greatly improved health over the long-term. The main thing is to focus on small changes that can easily be maintained for a lifetime.

 

Regarding exercise: Again, focus on small, healthy changes that you can maintain over a lifetime. One of the biggest obstacles to physical fitness is the difficulty of simply showing up and keeping a fitness routine going for a lifetime. So keep the routine light and easy, at least initially, and focus primarily on showing up and maintaining the routine over the long-term. You can always make the work-out more difficult over time. But easy or hard, the main priority should always be on showing up and keeping the routine going. If you stop showing up for a few days, then change up the routine in whatever fashion you need in order to start showing up again: Reduce the difficulty by fifty percent and then work back up over time, or try out a different type of workout: Vary your workout in order to keep it fresh and fun. But the main focus should be on small changes (incremental progress) and keeping the workout easy, fun, and fresh so that you can maintain the routine for a lifetime.

 

Of course, anxiety about health and fitness is just one example of a common problem that can be addressed through slow, incremental change. There are many different types of anxiety; but exposure therapy covers a wide swath of anxiety-related problems and offers many kinds of tools. Consult Wikipedia on that subject, or talk with a therapist for more ideas.

 

Addressing daemonism of the dichotomous opposite via cognitive therapy

As I said above, the problem with daemonism of the dichotomous opposite is that we fixate on it and dwell on it; we focus our time and attention there and ruminate endlessly on fears, obsessions, and temptations. Young women with eating disorders often describe how the eating disorder comes to take over their life and monopolize their attention. And Dostoevsky's unnamed narrator in Notes from Underground is tormented by the petty irritations and slights of daily life precisely because he is unable to let them go; they monopolize his attention until they become an obsession, driving him to ever-increasing heights of frustration and rage.

 

Rumination occurs when we focus on the symptoms of our distress and its cause and consequences rather than focusing on solutions to our distress. Rumination turns into "catastrophizing" when we seize upon our daemonic fears and dwell on them, generating additional negative emotions in a downward spiral until we find ourselves trapped by anxiety, rage, or depression. 

 

Instead of turning problems into catastrophes, we would do better to accept our emotions as a reasonable reaction to events and then move on from emotion to solution. There is a psychological therapy that addresses that issue: Cognitive therapy.

 

Usually the first fix is to analyze the validity of one's fears. Just because fears pop up unbidden doesn't mean that they are sound or reasonable. Fears often show themselves to be illogical and distorted when examined at length. It's often helpful to use a "courtroom approach" toward fears: Research your fears, seek evidence to the contrary, do a cost-benefit analysis of holding onto a fear, or reframe the fear by asking "Will this matter in 20 years?"

 

If you feel trapped by a problem, journaling can help. Sometimes people hang onto a long-running problem because it's complex and detailed and may come up again later. So they ruminate in order to keep refreshing the details in their head in order to be prepared in case they have to revisit the issue. But journaling represents a way to capture a problem and make a record of it. Write it down and file it away; that way old ruminations on a problem can be forgotten but also remain available for review whenever you might have a need for them.

 

If you wish to address a problem but the solution takes you into unfamiliar territory, you can model yourself on the example of a more experienced peer as a sort of personal "hero narrative": Look to the example of good managers and leaders for models on how to deal with a problem; adopt a different persona for a given problem or ask yourself how you would act if you didn't have a certain fear; seek out advice/mentoring/therapy from the community around you or on social media.

 

Summing up

Anxiety and fears are common problems in modern times for reasons that I've already described above and in the main essay. Psychologists and therapists have developed tools for addressing these problems, and they can be quite effective. I have described a couple techniques from Behavior Therapy that might be helpful in addressing parental castration and a couple techniques from Cognitive Therapy for daemonic fears. In fact the two types of therapy are often combined under the heading of Cognitive-Behavior Therapy (CBT). If the reader wants to learn more about the subject, plenty of literature on CBT is available on the internet; and people with strong or long-lasting anxiety issues can seek out a therapist to walk them through these and other related CBT techniques.

 

Link: Return to Thinking (T)

 

~Posted September 23, 2025

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